she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
I touched a dick in church today
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
Randomize
