The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
We will. we just need a little inspiration.... in smoke form.
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
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