I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
you might want to delete the history when you're done using the computer at work. did you ever find out what the white balls in your throat were?
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
Randomize
