Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
Randomize
