how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
Randomize
