I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
Randomize
