The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
remember them days when you seriously wanted your mom to marry rev run and we would always talk shit about justine?
joeyyyy why you always taken cheeseburgers from me?!?!?!
this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
Randomize
