Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
Bret has after-school detention for writing Brianna has a stinky vag on the ground at recess.
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
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