you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
Randomize
