I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
Randomize
