You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
Randomize
