Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
is he apposed to sex in general? or just porch sex?
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
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