I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
He answered the door stark naked. When I called him on it he shrugged and said 'casual Friday ' Some boys can't be trusted to work from home.
Randomize
