he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
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