If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
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