dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
Randomize
