So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
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