The maid of honor just puked.
Iiiiiii almost fall ib the lake
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
Girls should come with a carfax report
if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
Randomize
