Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
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