I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
It's official. I'm gonna fuck hot art class guy. But this won't be like hot Samsung guy. I'm gonna make sure I follow through this time.
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
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