no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
Randomize
