I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
Randomize
