Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
Come see our sink grown plant.
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
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