; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
You can't just leave with hair like that
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
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