Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
I would like to add..this is the first november for two years that i haven't cheated on a bf...thank you..thank you
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
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