ARI BLEW A 2.0 HAHAHAHAHAHHAHH THESE COPS ARE SO COOL!!!!
My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
Pi�atas plus fireworks don't mix well
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
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