She has some nice fakeys. She is also an exotic entrepreneur.
She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
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