My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
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