I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
Not only do prius' look terrible they are terrible to have sex in
holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
we were hanging out in his room and he decided to play WoW.. so i took off all my clothes while he wasn't paying attention and laid on his bed and started playing with myself.
did he notice?
of course he didn't notice.. he was playing a fiesty level 1 fucker that wouldn't give up..
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
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