He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
Is it bad that your cum tickles when I swallow it?
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
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