no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
Randomize
