69 |D_O
wtf does that mean??
it's a very specialized emoticon, means 'i heard you fucking some dude through my bedroom wall last night and so i listened intently"
i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
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