TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
i love all of you. Physical. Emotional. Mental. All of it. When we speak i feel like a feather or a dragon depending on the conversation ...
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
I'm still hoping for it dude. Random north dakota pussy. If my 16 year old self knew that these were my dreams he would so try to beat me up, and i think he could.
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
Randomize
