I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
Randomize
