Good luck man
I dont need it. Shes easy.
before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
I’ve slept with a Senior, a Freshman and a Junior so far. I’m a Sophomore away from hitting for the cycle
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize
