Gayer than 8 guys blowing 9 guys
wow, that really makes you stop and think.
she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
Randomize
