Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
Randomize
