dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
ugly people sure do ruin things
you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
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