there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
Randomize
