my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
Randomize
