I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
Randomize
