Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
People with herpes should wear stickers.
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
Randomize
