$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
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