Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
Randomize
