I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
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