I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
My dick has a subreddit
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
Can you recommend a quality dick? I haven’t had a good sexing in a while
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