This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
Randomize
