McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
so today in my theology class we brought up the proper way to have sex. so rough sex was said by the teacher...I said I know a girl that likes to be choked. sorry but everyone knew it was you
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize
