well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
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