I was in a gas station that sold tazers and I just saw a billboard that said "Strippers, need we say more?" God I love Georgia!
and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
Randomize
