Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
there is a large number of people floating in the fountains the morning in inter-tubes...its only 930. did i miss something?
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
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